Lake Lesson 7

Fifty years ago today I took my first breath. 

So many inhales and exhales, I am grateful for both the births and deaths they represent.

Several years ago I created a painting that illustrated what depression feels like to me and the shift to break through it.  

Two figures, stem from one woman rooted under water. Her feet were submerged in the bottom of the lake-muck and her legs were tangled and stuck in seaweed. The water, rusty brown and metal blue. The first figure was hunched over in defeat, near death, completely submerged with the last of her breath mingling with the shadows of fish. 

The other figure had a light that was illuminated in her chest - a dim, shy glow. Her tired arms reached outward, one hand reached upward with her fingertips breaking the surface. No one there to lift her up or out. The sun rose above her head, a bird stretched her wings showing her freedom is accessible. A drenched, full-length winter coat that weighed tons, was shed from her shoulders and sank to the bottom of the lake. 

A subtle shift was made. Once looking down and hopeless into the dark - and then with the tilt of her head, up toward the surface and the sun  - she gasped in air. 

It was there all along. 
The light. 
Life. 
Inhaling.
All it took was a shift. 
A choice. 

I called that painting, “Only You Can Save Yourself”. 

I created it to remind myself that depression is real and valid. Putting it on canvas, I was no longer ashamed. I’ve been under water and I am familiar with how heavy and helpless it feels. But it is also an important part of a metamorphosis to a new place. 

Mother Nature has cycles and we are all a part of that. We are entering a dark season, and it’s for a purpose. Mother Nature is not ashamed of having bare trees in Winter, it’s all a part of her plan. The leaves lost are feeding the next cycle. What is constant is transformation and regeneration. Mother Nature seems to pause sometimes, and so must we. But there is still purpose in the pause. 

Being enveloped in the dark can be scary and feels like an end. Pound the ground and weep. Feeling it is necessary. Residing there is part of the process. 

Mother Nature is bigger than us, it is best to trust - follow the river’s pace and do not resist. Mother Nature is powerful and always is going forth. Fires blaze and destroy the forest, but new green buds burst through the ashes eventually. Waves crash relentlessly on the shore, but the next morning the Lake is smooth as glass and the storm has washed away the old. New gifts from the Lake emerge on the shore. 

Mother Nature has her plan. 
Respect it. 
Regard it. 
Remember you are a part of it. 

Mother Nature wants us to thrive. 
Mother Nature changes, we change. 
We are a part of the dark and the light. 

So I remind my self, I may go under periodically and struggle, brought down by the seaweed and the heavy, wet coat, but I remember my choice. When I am ready, I can float to the surface and breathe. 

That light inside, how ever dim it may get, is a life jacket - to rise above. I breathe again. One small movement - a tilt of the head, shifting my perspective and remember I am part of a cycle and everything. Nature is relentlessly going forward. My connection with nature is essential and life affirming. 

Only YOU can save yourself. Every day, every moment I have a choice - how will you tilt your head? Down to the dark or up to the light? 

Last week I fell into the dark and everything felt stagnant. 

I made myself go to Belle Isle for some fresh air and sunshine. The first thing I saw as I approached the edge of the Lake was literally, “A Message In A Bottle”, laying at my feet. A green beer bottle had a white, rolled up piece of paper inside. One traditionally thinks of a desperate note begging for “Help!”. I pried open the gold cap and pinched out the dry notebook paper. I unrolled it to reveal a simple message written in large print with a silver marker. 

“Don’t Worry, Be Happy”

This message was written FOR a person needing help,
not BY a person needing help. It wasn't asking, it was giving. 

At first, I was sort of ticked off - I thought, “Easy for them to say.. they have no idea what I’ve been through.” But the synchronicity of it all set in and I realized it was just the nudge and reminder I needed. This message was written for me to discover on just the right day. I needed to make that shift again. If I stopped worrying and let go of the illusion that I could change my circumstances, I could feel joy again. Stop resisting and accept. It was there all along. Just like the surface of the water.

Additionally, I was stunned that who ever this person was, had the idea to brighten a strangers day. It was inspiration enough for me to break out of the dark place I was in. I needed to re-direct my focus from my self to others. I began to feel better just hatching a simple plan to do a small act of kindness for someone else. 

A small shift. A choice. 

I am immensely grateful on my 50th Breath-Day for my rich life, filled with duality that I continue to learn from.


Beauty is Everywhere


​- Holly