 You burn sage when you want to clear the energy and start fresh.
Smelling sweet smoke from the Oregon wildfires was the first thing I noticed when stepping out of the airport. The haze filtered the sun. The old was burning to make way for the new. I was eager for new experiences: I beheld deep, expansive green oceans of the tallest pines from mountain tops. I gaped in wonderment of the earths abundance and beauty. I wrapped my arms around wide cedar trees, it’s texture soft like flaky pastry but sturdy and wise. I embraced them and listened - these elders reminded me of my connection to the earth; I could feel the energy. I hiked steep, dusty trails passing smiling, joyful hikers - we were all silent comrades on the same path. Coming back down and completing these challenging treks inspired me to tackle more goals in my life when I got back, feeling capable of anything. I ran my fingers through the branches of the sage bushes and inhaled its fresh and magical scent. A baby rattle snake slithered beside my path, rattling its tiny tail reminding me that I am still new to this part of my life. I stopped in my tracks in deep respect of waterfalls - showing me how fresh, freezing glacier water moves around warm, ancient dark rocks in harmony with each other. I ran, flailing my arms and skipping like a kid again towards the pink sunset over the ocean. My feet splashing into the waves receding for the night, I was rejuvenated and full of energy, excited for what ever would come next in the morning. I bent down in awe of the bright purple and orange starfish, bigger than my outstretched hands who hung onto the underskirts of boulders, patiently waiting and trusting for the waters to rise again. Natures cycles can be depended on. I was mesmerized by the sea of stars above me while I warmed my toes in the fire light. One of many small beach fires upon the large expanse of sand. Sparks drew up upwards and blended with the stars and I sank in to my seat with quiet reverence, feeling small and part of all of it. A white haze descended one morning on the beach as I walked along people watching. I was quickly enveloped - the people were blotted out, they disappeared. The view of homes was erased by the cloud and it surrounded me on all sides. It was disconcerting at first - I lost my way of direction - no landmarks or view in the distance of what I was walking towards. It was just me, alone, wet sand below me, and beside me, the ocean, her constant, comforting rhythm of golden waves lapping to reassure me. All I could do was to let go and experience it fully. Let go of where I was going, when I’d get there and how. No more destination. I was here now in this place, embraced by her and felt so much love and connection and wholeness. What didn’t fit in that moment was the heaviness that I hadn’t noticed before. With all distractions blotted out, I suddenly had an overwhelming desire to make amends and let go of those feelings that hung on. I spoke the names of the humans in my heart and The Hawaiian prayer came to me: I 'm sorry Please forgive me Thank you I love you I repeated them over and over choked up with emotion and my tears dropped into the waves and washed them away, hoping she would carry my message to where it needed to go. I spoke the words to my self as well. I am sorry Please forgive me Thank you I love you I spoke them to the earth. I am sorry Please forgive me Thank you I love you I want that newness. I want to go forward. It was hard to leave that magical place that morning. What does an artist do when she stands at the foot of the greatest creator and artist of all - Mother Nature? She is inspired She is soul filled She lets go of preconceived ideas and judgement She sings out loud to rejoice She is humbled She has been forgiven and will return for more filling up. She will remind others to seek her out and respect her. I can say I was enveloped and loved by a haze. I still don’t really know what that was or define it properly with words, but in my heart that moment crying out to the ocean and the feeling of total peace, will remain in my hearts memory. I am so small and part of a bigger whole. Beauty is Everywhere. - Holly
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 On my tippy toes, reaching my hand far to wipe down the tall closet shelf in the bedroom of my new apartment this Spring, I discovered something. An envelope.
It was dated from 1954. Inside was one small, delicate piece of stationary, partial torn on the fold. On it, a man had scrawled with blue pen, his last wishes to be carried out upon his death. He left a large sum of money to his wife and “my worldly possessions". Material things. I love mysteries, history and people’s life stories and it got me thinking about theirs. Did he die before her, did she find this envelope and receive what he left her? Did they have a strong relationship and did she deeply grieve the loss of him? In the 50’s, many women were housewives. What about her will? What would she have had to leave him? Besides her collection of pearl jewelry that he had gifted her and whimsical hors d’oeuvre platters (paid for with his paycheck), what did she leave for him? Memories? Was she witty at their bridge games with the neighbors? Did she plan fun family road trips and cut his hair on the back porch? Did she create a warm and inviting home for their friends and family to feel comfortable and loved? What value did she share with him and others during her time on earth? Material things help us get through the physical part of life. That has value, but what of the heart? When you leave a relationship, wether by death, divorce or just parting ways, what do you leave behind? That partner, as they depart, takes with them all the together-memories. They leave the feeling they gave you behind. Like Maya Angelou said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Funny that I would discover this piece of paper the same week my divorce was final. Transitions are felt deeply - a sense of both loss and peace. When she read his will at the time of his death, she may have been relieved he was no longer suffering or in pain but also nostalgic for the weight of his hand on hers. We are all passing through each others lives for different amounts of time. While we are with one another, let’s weave memories that make us feel loved and cared for. May we leave each other better for having known each other. May kindness prevail and may it ripple out to others without end. Beauty is Everywhere. -Holly |
AuthorHi, I'm Holly. 
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