Haze

You burn sage when you want to clear the energy and start fresh. 

Smelling sweet smoke from the Oregon wildfires was the first thing I noticed when stepping out of the airport. The haze filtered the sun. The old was burning to make way for the new. 

I was eager for new experiences: 

I beheld deep, expansive green oceans of the tallest pines from mountain tops. I gaped in wonderment of the earths abundance and beauty.

I wrapped my arms around wide cedar trees, it’s texture soft like flaky pastry but sturdy and wise. I embraced them and listened - these elders reminded me of my connection to the earth; I could feel the energy.

I hiked steep, dusty trails passing smiling, joyful hikers - we were all silent comrades on the same path. Coming back down and completing these challenging treks inspired me to tackle more goals in my life when I got back, feeling capable of anything. 

I ran my fingers through the branches of the sage bushes and inhaled its fresh and magical scent. A baby rattle snake slithered beside my path, rattling its tiny tail reminding me that I am still new to this part of my life. 

I stopped in my tracks in deep respect of waterfalls - showing me how fresh, freezing glacier water moves around warm, ancient dark rocks in harmony with each other. 

I ran, flailing my arms and skipping like a kid again towards the pink sunset over the ocean. My feet splashing into the waves receding for the night, I was rejuvenated and full of energy, excited for what ever would come next in the morning. 

I bent down in awe of the bright purple and orange starfish, bigger than my outstretched hands who hung onto the underskirts of boulders, patiently waiting and trusting for the waters to rise again. Natures cycles can be depended on. 

I was mesmerized by the sea of stars above me while I warmed my toes in the fire light. One of many small beach fires upon the large expanse of sand. Sparks drew up upwards and blended with the stars and I sank in to my seat with quiet reverence, feeling small and part of all of it. 

A white haze descended one morning on the beach as I walked along people watching. 

I was quickly enveloped - the people were blotted out, they disappeared. The view of homes was erased by the cloud and it surrounded me on all sides. It was disconcerting at first - I lost my way of direction - no landmarks or view in the distance of what I was walking towards. 

It was just me, alone, wet sand below me, and beside me, the ocean, her constant, comforting rhythm of golden waves lapping to reassure me. 

All I could do was to let go and experience it fully. Let go of where I was going, when I’d get there and how. No more destination. I was here now in this place, embraced by her and felt so much love and connection and wholeness. 

What didn’t fit in that moment was the heaviness that I hadn’t noticed before. With all distractions blotted out, I suddenly had an overwhelming desire to make amends and let go of those feelings that hung on. 

I spoke the names of the humans in my heart and The Hawaiian prayer came to me: 

I 'm sorry 
Please forgive me 
Thank you 
I love you

I repeated them over and over choked up with emotion and my tears dropped into the waves and washed them away, hoping she would carry my message to where it needed to go. 

I spoke the words to my self as well. 

I am sorry 
Please forgive me 
Thank you 
I love you

I spoke them to the earth. 

I am sorry 
Please forgive me 
Thank you 
I love you

I want that newness.
I want to go forward. 
It was hard to leave that magical place that morning. 

What does an artist do when she stands at the foot of the greatest creator and artist of all - Mother Nature? 

She is inspired 
She is soul filled 
She lets go of preconceived ideas and judgement
She sings out loud to rejoice
She is humbled
She has been forgiven
and will return for more filling up. 

She will remind others to seek her out and respect her. 

I can say I was enveloped and loved by a haze. I still don’t really know what that was or define it properly with words, but in my heart that moment crying out to the ocean and the feeling of total peace, will remain in my hearts memory. I am so small and part of a bigger whole. 

Beauty is Everywhere. 


- Holly